Somethings abrewing...

Good morning lovelies!

Well I suppose to be quite honest that it is probably afternoon where you are and you are probably sitting around eating lunch and browsing when you are supposed to be catching up on all that stuff you procrastinated during the weekend right?

Not you? I didn't think so :)

Well I had a pretty uneventful weekend to be quite honest with you. I have been feeling rather down on myself because I am unemployed and poor and not very happy about being either. Bruce Springsteen played St. Louis on Saturday and I couldn't go and of course I was very pouty and depressed because its been the first time Bruce has been so close and I have not seen him in years but I have managed to convince myself that it is all part of the journey. The journey.

Anyways hats off to poor Gus who handled my whiny pouty princess weekend with grace and poise. I swear that boy is a saint. I can't even handle myself when I am like that I have no idea how he pulls it off.

But I am better now. At least I am trying to be. I could not sleep last night and was lying in bed with my mind racing as it has a tendency to do when you can't sleep and I was doing a mental pro con pro of my new life. I am not going to lie there are alot of cons. I have no family or friends here, no money to shop my sorrows away and no place to buy pretty dresses. All would seem pretty bleak right? But I think I have been looking at it all wrong. All I can see is what I don't have anymore which is everything I loved and was comfortable with.

So now I have to do it all over again except this time I have Gus on my team. Which is a great thing. Because hes not around all day I tend to get very dramatic and lonesome. Last week I made sure that the house was perfect and that dinner was on the table when he got home. I baked a cobbler, I did laundry and dishes. I went to the grocery store like three times.

Barf. Its just not me.

I am not meant to be a housewife. Its not my calling. It makes me feel bored, and bitter and resentful of Gus and his contacts with the human world. Let me tell you friends, bitter is not the new black. It is not slimming or cute. It is depressing and makes you feel small and mean.

So since I am tired of feeling like a nagging piece of crap it is time to rethink my strategy. I cannot rely on Gus to be my sole provider of happiness and joy. I never put that kind of pressure on him before so why start now right? Which means I have to start looking into new avenues. I think that once I get back into a gym that I will feel much better because I really miss my Y and my elliptical. Also I need to make friends. Not Gus's friends but my own friends. That might be a little trickier. So I need to exercise and be more social. Check and check. Now for the hard stuff.

I need to work. Which is proving easier said than done. But I have been concocting a wild and mad plot in my always scheming mind. What if I opened my own store? What if instead of looking to dominate Southern Illinois and change the world I focused more locally and less globally? What if instead of blending in and conforming to my new surroundings I kicked and screamed and changed the landscape of Murphysboro?

What if right?

Its easy to get lost in all of the Main St. VS Wall St. politics but I actually live two blocks away from an honest to goodness Main St. Well technically its called Walnut St. but it is a Main St. A Main St. that is desperate to bring young, vibrant shops and businesses into the heart of town. What if I became a small business owner? I worked for an incredible small business and loved the style and structure of the company, how crazy would it be if I were the boss?

See how crazy and crafty my mind works? How do I incorporate what I love into what I want to do? Will I need a lawyer? How will I do my taxes? Can I get a loan? I have like a million questions but the one that keeps popping up the most is WHY NOT?

Well... I have no credit, not background in business or finance, no business plan, no vision statement, no loans, no cash flow, no idea if my plan would be viable or successful, but why not?

Why couldn't I open and run my own store?

Not to sound terrible but I am not exactly working for my survival right now. I live in a gorgeous house on a beautiful street in a cute small town. I am not struggling to pay rent or feed myself I would be working to pay off my small amount of debt and be able to have some money left over to go out to dinner and fly home and buy my pretty dresses. I never wanted to work for a corporation and my disillusion with politics and the government makes me skeptical about pursuing a career in public service. What if I was destined for a more nontraditional path?

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I was meant to be here not only to support Gus but to start a new chapter of my life and our life together. It would be dumb and a lie to say that I'm not crazy homesick but I can't spend all my time out here miserable. I need a project, a goal. Would being a small town shop keeper satisfy that need?

I think that it just might be the next step. I don't really know how I am going to go about turning my crazy pre-sleep ideas into a viable business plan. I do know that once I really want something I am pretty good about making it happen. Just saying is all....

Though it might be madness there is method in it. This might just work, and if it does I expect to see you all at my grand opening. Just remember you heard it here first:)