So this one time at the gym....

In an effort to keep you better updated I feel like I should mention that several weeks ago I joined my local Golds Gym. It was a controversial decision because I did not join the SIU Rec Center which to be quite honest with you is just a big, terrifying multi colored labyrinth. I did take the tour but I think it was at the point where we walked by the set of cardio machines that faced THE POOL that I realized it was simply not the place for me. When I want to workout and watch people in far better shape then I am parade around in swim suits then I can just turn on CSI Miami and feel comforted in knowing the Horatio is a ginger who does not tan .

While the Golds Gym is nothing like my wonderful, perfect Y it does have some redeeming qualities. Everyone has been very nice and despite the fact that most of the people there are crazy hard bodies I never feel too self conscious or out of place. The other downside is that there is no Zumba. Sigh. You can't win then all though and they do have lots of other faux Zumba like classes so I should be okay *fingers crossed*.

Okay so I know that I have told you some of my awkwardly humorous gym tales from the past, who can forget the classic pearl fiasco right? Well I guess a new gym means a whole new set of embarrassment. Soooo here it goes ....

As part of the new member incentive package you get an hour with one of the Golds Gym personal trainers to go over your goals, take your measurements and basically get yourself acquainted with the machines and such. As some of you know due to my love of Zumba and the awesomeness of my former Y I have to date lost 30 some odd pounds and am aiming for 30 more by the time I turn 26. The ultimate goal is that I would like to wear my senior prom dress to my birthday party. Its good to have goals right? Its even better to have someone to hold you accountable for reaching them. Enter Kyle.

Kyle was my assigned intro personal trainer and even though he was short in statue he was a very pretty physically fit young man. Which made the part where he measured my hips and thighs a little awkward. Ugh. Just like being back in the middle school locker room. Anyways once we did all my measurements and such we began to talk about goals and dreams. He was excited about my weight loss and was very inspirational. Kyle wants me to try to lose another 10 pounds by Christmas and we went back and forth exchanging diet and nutrition tips.

I was beginning to really like Kyle.

Until we went into the "studio". Kyle has an unconventional training method that included but was not limited to kicking my ass. I was using muscles that despite the fact that I had formerly been working out nearly every day of the week I did not know I had.

And let me tell you those forgotten muscles scream bloody freaking murder.

But I kept going I wanted to prove to him that I was in it. I have watched enough 'Biggest Loser' to know that trainers feed off of your failure and despite the fact that I had really enjoyed Kyle I was not going to give him that pleasure. So I kept going, and sweating. Profusely. Which Kyle commented on. He seemed proud that he had squeezed all of my hydration out of me.

I did not get his train of thought though and thought he was referring to the dark splotchy stains on my work out pants. Which just so happened to be hash brown grease.

With my 10 pound exercise ball precariously poised over my head I then relayed this little bit of information to him. Bad call. I blame the endorphins.

At this point Kyle took my ball away from me and asked me to repeat what I had just said. Head held in shame I then told him the tale about how at the beginning of my fitness journey I had thought that if I had some carbs right before a workout I would do better and go longer. With that mentality in mind I had packed a bowl with left over Williamsburg Manor Bed and Breakfast hash browns (the really greasy delicious kind) and then hopped in my car. Apparently driving and eating hot greasy hashed browns is not one of my better skills and needless to say my new grey workout pants did not make it out of the car unscathed.

I had not even thought about it when I had put them on and now my fat kid past was coming back to haunt me. Kyle began to giggle (not a cute sound coming from a man with no body fat) and shook his head at me. After this revelation I think he actually made the work out harder. I can't say I blame him. I almost could not walk out of the gym. I have not been that sore since the first week of softball practice when I was like 17 years old.

Today, after having regained feeling in my legs and wanting to put my breakfast blunder behind me I returned to Golds Gym. Unfortunately I had to wear the same pants because my lovely contractors have hidden my dresser in a unreachable location. Also unfortunately Kyle was at the check in desk. He looked me up and down with his piercing blue eyes full of glee and once again began to giggle. If he was not so big I swear that I would.... blog about him. When you have nonexistent upper body strength your repercussion options are very limited.

Someday I will be the cool kid at the gym who isn't falling off ellipticals or walking into massive multi-colored walls but today I was the girl with the grease stain on her pants and the faint aroma of sauteed onions trailing behind her. Who knew that shame could taste so delicious:)